Nursing Homes

Nursing Homes suck. When I was in HS I spent some time volunteering in a nursing home close to my house. I would go and do arts and crafts with the folks, talk to them (or rather listen to them), and wheel some outside for fresh air. I remember being there awhile and then being taken to the Third Floor. Ah, the Third Floor where you can hear the screams of the patients who don't know where they are, what year it is, or who the hell is that person trying to calm them down before you even get out of the elevator. They kept these patients on the Third Floor and after more than 6 months of volunteering you were given the chance to meet them. I clearly remember one women who kept asking me to call her mother and explain that the bus was going to be late. She was so desperate, so intense, in her pleas to me. She needed me to call and explain why she wasn't home yet. Her mother must be so worried. I finally asked her for the number, her mother's name, I calmed her down, and then went to go call. I will never forget my first experience with someone with memory loss. And then over 10 years later Mike's paternal grandfather is diagnosed with dementia and 2 years after that his maternal grandfather has systems of dementia. I always thought it would be worse for the caregivers, for those people who are trying to calm them down and the screaming patients have no idea who the hell they are. But then I would look in Mike's grandpa's eyes as he was trying to remember. He was such a cheerful old man, even when he didn't know who I was. He'd say to us, "I think I know you, don't I?" "Ah, yes..." But in his eyes I swear I could see pain, he knew he didn't remember and I think that must hurt something awful. So not only does dementia/Alzheimer's/Memory Loss, whatever it is you want to call it, hurt the caregivers, but those people must feel so lost. And empty.
Now, my grandma, who's 86 years old has a mind that's sharper than most 50 year olds. My grandma, who's body is failing, is alert and aware of everything going on around her.
Earlier last week she needed an emergency surgery on a hernia that was blocking her bowels. This blockage caused poison to seep into her system, which caused her to vomit, which is why my mom took her into the doctor who discovered the problem. Her surgery went well, she recovered well enough to be released to a nursing home for physical therapy. She's at the nursing home I used to volunteer at...just 1 mile from my mom and dad's house. And she is so miserable. And my mom is miserable every time she leaves her there. Grandma called my mom last night and said, "Get me out of this hell hole." Turns out the roomie grandma was bunking with did not want to be there anyway. And was screaming and yelling at the nurses. So my mom went, walked my grandma around, and the nurses found another room for Grandma. And grandma stayed another night. I went to visit today with my mom - the place is horrible. I heard two nurses talking about how they weren't going to do anything today (as they were starting their shift). I found out my grandma hasn't seen a physical therapist since Friday morning (it's Saturday afternoon) and probably wouldn't see one until Monday. So my mom encouraged Grandma to do her exercises. As I was looking around I saw many people just sitting in their wheel chairs. Drab walls, sullen faces, it was just awful. My mom keeps talking about Getting Her Out. I just have to Get Her Out of There, she'll say. And then the talk of finding people to come to the house, the therapists, doctors, nurses, etc. I have a feeling Grandma may be home tomorrow after the doctor visits her. (That's another thing, she went there Friday morning and won't see a doctor until Sunday afternoon.) My mom was supposed to watch Quinn this week for me while the babysitter is on a cruise...but I know if Grandma comes home that won't be able to happen. And I assured my mom I'm fine with that - we can figure out another way...she's free to be with Grandma if she needs to be.
All of this as my grandma has been thinking of moving out of my mom and dad's house and into assisted living. Not a good introduction to this type of life, for sure. Of course there's no way my mom, or Grandma, would choose this place. There's so many better places. And it's all so expensive, luckily Grandma's got some cash - she gets about $2000/month from the interest on her investments and social security...but to stay somewhere it's about $150-$200/day! That's close to $5,000 a month! She does have the large sum of money from her house, but was hoping to live off the interest for awhile.