Cultural Differences

I learned about this in college. One of my child development classes. We discussed the cultural differences in raising children. People tend to parent the way in which they were parented. And so there are differences - and many differences have been found to be cultural. Sometimes, the parenting methods of one culture are deemed inappropriate by another. (And by culture - I'm talking not just about race, but socio-economic status as well - it plays a big role.) One of my professors used to run parenting groups in a low-income, prodominately African-American, school district to try and change some of their parenting habits. So, there she was, a small white jewish woman, trying to encourage these parents to use more positive reinforcement, read to their children more, belittle them less, and basically, talk to them about things happening around them. She admitted that the struggles these parents face are more than we (a group of Master's students in the suburbs) would ever face. She was proud of what the parents had accomplished, but knew, when it came down to it, they'd fall back to how they were parented - and she didn't like the effect it would have on the children. At the time I wondered, and continue to wonder: Who are we to decide exactly what is the correct method for parenting? Physical abuse is absolutely wrong and not nessarsary to manage a child's behavior. But what about this verbal abuse she described so well?


Since then I've sort of forgot about that night's lecture. I continued working in my mostly white - upper-middle class school district and found that most parents have very similiar parenting styles as my own. Grant it, some of them are more relaxed about certain things and others are so uptight about different things, but mostly, we seem to be on the same page as to what is and is not appropriate.


Then the other night I was at Woodfield Mall. The meca of cultural differences. While in the Looney Toons play area I heard over 10 different languages and saw so many shades of skin I thought I was at a UN convention.


And then it happened.


"Savannah. Get over here right now." Her voice was full of anger so of course I looked up. Did Savannah hurt somebody? Who was crying? But my preschool teacher instincts told me Savannah had really done nothing wrong. I was confused by the mother's anger.


Savannah came fairly quickly to her mother. Dressed in an adorable red jumper with her curly black hair pulled into pigtails, I guessed the little girl was 3, maybe 4 years old.

Regardless of the quick obiedence, the mother's angry tone continued. "We're leaving right now."


Savannah began to whimper.


"Don't start that. We've been here two hours. I'm tired. It's time to go."


Savannah began to cry.


"Shut it. Shut your mouth. None of the nonsense." The anger in her voice was clearly rising.

Savannah muffled her cry back to a whimper.


"Put your coat on and let's go."


Savannah now has her coat on and is managing to keep her cries to a minimal.


"Shut your mouth. That is enough of that noise. We're leaving. Keep crying and I won't bring you back."

And so they left. I heard Savannah muffling her cries on the way out and her mother continuing to tell her to "shut it."

During that little episode I also saw a mother trying to talk her 2 year old out of a tantrum. And I saw Savannah's mother look over and I swear she was thinking, "Uh, really? You're going to coax your child out of that tantrum and then let them play? Seriously?"

To each his own, I suppose...