That Look

It happened again the other day at the park. Quinn came up to me with that look. It's not the look of a kid that has just gotten hurt, physically. But the look of a kid who is trying his very best to not cry, to not lose it, to just figure it out. I knew what it meant. Yet, I still asked. "Quinn, what's wrong?" And then he hopped into my lap, hugged me tightly, and whispered in my ear, through tears, "Those kids, mom, those kids are being mean."

He can never quite explain how they are being mean or what they did or didn't do. He just says, "They're being mean."

Quinn is so outgoing at parks. If we drive past a park with a bunch of kids there he'll say, "Hey! Let's go to that park. There's lots of friends for me to play with." Everyone is his friend. Every time we go to the park he'll play a bit by himself, then figure out who to approach. Usually it all works out and he ends up making a new friend for the time we're there.

Sometimes the kids are older. Sometimes they say, "no," when he asks to play. And sometimes they just ignore him.

I think it's when he's ignored that really gets to him. Really, who likes to be ignored?

I think most parents struggle with this. You don't want your kid to be the bully. You don't want your kid to be the victim. You just want your kid to enjoy being a kid.

I wouldn't know how to help Quinn if he showed any signs of being a bully; I'm sure I would be able to figure it out. Right now, I'm working on him not being the victim. If someone doesn't want to play with him I encourage him to play by himself - swing, maybe, or play with his brother. If someone tells him something he doesn't like I'm trying to encourage him to say, "don't say that to me. I don't like it." And the same if someone does something to him he doesn't like.

I know everybody says the baby stage is so hard on parents. But I'm starting to think that's wrong. How do I explain to my kid that not everybody is nice? That not every adult can be trusted? How do I teach my kid to find that balance between being nice to everybody all the time and sticking up for himself? How???