Grandma's Smiling? Hide the pills.

When my mom was younger her Grandpa (her mom's father) committed suicide while living in a nursing home. Everyone there who saw him on that day said he was in the best of moods - happier than most of them have ever seen him. Those that saw him just minutes before, walking down the hallway, said he had a special glow about him. It was as though he was truly happy and found peace with his decision.

My grandma will be 89 years old this February. My grandpa, her husband, passed away a week before my 16th birthday - 15 years ago. I remember watching Grandma at the funeral; this wasn't how she pictured things - losing her husband at just 72 years of age - her husband that she was still madly in love with. Oh the pictures we have of their life together - trips, parties in their basement with friends (after their 8 kids were tucked into bed), church plays, Halloween costumes, all the trips abroad, and so many more. Between then and now all of my grandma's brothers have passed away. She keeps saying, "I wasn't supposed to live this long. 10 years without my Kenny. And now all my brothers are gone. Whenever He wants to take me, I am ready."

For the past few years Grandma has been taking turns living with a few of her children. None of which want to put her in a nursing home or an assisted care facility. She seems to have found a permanant home in Arizona with my Aunt Sue. I think most in my family would agree that it doesn't seem to matter where Grandma is living, she will have something to complain about. And of course, once I reach 89 years of age I do believe I have every right to let everyone know just how it is I'm feeling.

It rained hard here in Illinois all weekend long. Roads were flooding, causing people to use boats to get places. After spending all day Saturday driving or walking in the rain I settled down for the night and had the most vivid dream.

I was sitting at my mom's house alone looking out the window - watching the rain come down and the water rushing down the street. There was a bridge going over the street - a tall bridge for a highway. Then, all of a sudden I see Grandma riding a bike along the water filled road. She's going quickly and despite being 89 years old she's smiling and making it look like it's taking her no effort at all. She stops the bike at the bottom of the bridge and walks up the bridge to the center - all the while smiling and almost laughing in the pouring rain. With a big smile on her face she climbs over the bridge, faces out and down, and jumps.

After telling my mom about this dream yesterday she reminded me of the story of her grandpa and decided she should call her sister and warn her. "If mom's mood seems to improve and she seems actually happy - you should probably remove all sharp objects and count her pills." My mom said this with a sort of laugh, but I wonder if she did call her sister to talk?