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Dear Liam,
I can't believe you keep going against my wishes and continue to grow older every day. Today I can officially use the term, "9 months in, 9 months out." Which means I haven't had more than a few sips of wine in over 18 months! 18 months, my boy, that's a long time. I've also given up many other luxeries when it comes to eating, but you are worth every sacrifice I've had to make, trust me.
It's amazing to me how much you've changed me. I thought I knew what I was doing, that I'd have it all under control, I've done this before - nothing can throw me. But throw me you did. I should have known it through the pregnancy - it was so different than your brothers. And everything since then has been so different. I felt sick for the entire first 3 months and ate nothing but crackers and Ginger Ale. Once I started feeling better it was time for the doctors to get me all worried about you. Long story very short - after my first ultrasound the doctor saw something abnormal, sent me to have a high-level ultrasound where they found something abnormal with your kidney and required me to continue having ultrasounds every 4 weeks.
I didn't mind, it was just more chances to get a glimpse of you. After you were born you had your very own ultrasound on your kidney and the results came back normal, but just to be sure we had to take you for another when you were just a few weeks old and again that was normal. But that wasn't the only special doctor's visit you had as a newborn. When you were barely a week old we noticed you had a high temperature and called the doctor's office. After waiting almost 6 hours for a return call we were told we had to take you to the ER right away! I remember the drive there, I was so scared and pissed off because it took them 6 hours to call me and say go right now! I left your brother and daddy at home and embarked on this journey by myself, with you. We spent over 4 hours in the ER. You had so many tests done that were just not needed. You were fine and it still breaks my heart that I let them run all those tests. The chest xray was fine, but the blood work and IV line they started really weren't nessasary. I just shouldn't have taken your temperature after you were all bundled up and warm. I should have waited. I should have told the doctors no thank you to the tests. But with the thought of your kidney issues prenatal maybe something would have been wrong there? Who knows. We spent the entire ER visit nursing between visits from the doctors and nurses. That was our first public nursing experience of many. At your one month check up the doctor hear a little heart murmur. More doctor's visits and an ultrasound on your heart and we found out you are fine! Just fine! I could talk
on and on about doctor visits, your never ending crying, the yellow vomit you spewed at me the first night you tried formula, your dislike of strollers, our sleepless nights, your attachment to my boobs (your Grandma Edie said one day, "my gosh, Liam's not attached to you! What's going on?"), our discovery of food allergies, how hard it was those first 5 months. But you know what, all those memories are slowly fading and being replaced with so many more! Your first smile came right when you were one month old. We could always make you smile right after you woke up and I loved sitting up in my bed and looking into your bassinet to see your smiles. The day we moved you to your crib I was so sad. I knew I could no longer just sit up in the middle of the night to be sure you were okay. I had to trust that everything was alright and that you were doing fine. That didn't stop me from sneaking in there just to check or turning the monitor up all the way so I could hear every little breath you took. 
I'm obsessed with watching you sleep. Whether it's in my arms, in your crib, or in your carseat I love to look at your peaceful face and so often I just want to etch that memory into my brain forever. There's so much I want to tell you, so much I want to never forget. I'm afraid I've already written too much and find myself getting lost in the pictures and the memories and unable to focus. That's what you do to me, my Crabby Abby, Stinker Bell, Little Liam LoveBug - you drive me crazy. But it's a good crazy. The kind of crazy I look forward to in the morning. Chasing you around, watching you watch your big brother, making you laugh, laughing at your many faces, and just being amazed at your determination. You truly do amaze me. Everything you do. I want to thank you for changing my world - I wouldn't want it any other way.
I can't believe you keep going against my wishes and continue to grow older every day. Today I can officially use the term, "9 months in, 9 months out." Which means I haven't had more than a few sips of wine in over 18 months! 18 months, my boy, that's a long time. I've also given up many other luxeries when it comes to eating, but you are worth every sacrifice I've had to make, trust me.
It's amazing to me how much you've changed me. I thought I knew what I was doing, that I'd have it all under control, I've done this before - nothing can throw me. But throw me you did. I should have known it through the pregnancy - it was so different than your brothers. And everything since then has been so different. I felt sick for the entire first 3 months and ate nothing but crackers and Ginger Ale. Once I started feeling better it was time for the doctors to get me all worried about you. Long story very short - after my first ultrasound the doctor saw something abnormal, sent me to have a high-level ultrasound where they found something abnormal with your kidney and required me to continue having ultrasounds every 4 weeks.
I didn't mind, it was just more chances to get a glimpse of you. After you were born you had your very own ultrasound on your kidney and the results came back normal, but just to be sure we had to take you for another when you were just a few weeks old and again that was normal. But that wasn't the only special doctor's visit you had as a newborn. When you were barely a week old we noticed you had a high temperature and called the doctor's office. After waiting almost 6 hours for a return call we were told we had to take you to the ER right away! I remember the drive there, I was so scared and pissed off because it took them 6 hours to call me and say go right now! I left your brother and daddy at home and embarked on this journey by myself, with you. We spent over 4 hours in the ER. You had so many tests done that were just not needed. You were fine and it still breaks my heart that I let them run all those tests. The chest xray was fine, but the blood work and IV line they started really weren't nessasary. I just shouldn't have taken your temperature after you were all bundled up and warm. I should have waited. I should have told the doctors no thank you to the tests. But with the thought of your kidney issues prenatal maybe something would have been wrong there? Who knows. We spent the entire ER visit nursing between visits from the doctors and nurses. That was our first public nursing experience of many. At your one month check up the doctor hear a little heart murmur. More doctor's visits and an ultrasound on your heart and we found out you are fine! Just fine! I could talk
on and on about doctor visits, your never ending crying, the yellow vomit you spewed at me the first night you tried formula, your dislike of strollers, our sleepless nights, your attachment to my boobs (your Grandma Edie said one day, "my gosh, Liam's not attached to you! What's going on?"), our discovery of food allergies, how hard it was those first 5 months. But you know what, all those memories are slowly fading and being replaced with so many more! Your first smile came right when you were one month old. We could always make you smile right after you woke up and I loved sitting up in my bed and looking into your bassinet to see your smiles. The day we moved you to your crib I was so sad. I knew I could no longer just sit up in the middle of the night to be sure you were okay. I had to trust that everything was alright and that you were doing fine. That didn't stop me from sneaking in there just to check or turning the monitor up all the way so I could hear every little breath you took. 
I'm obsessed with watching you sleep. Whether it's in my arms, in your crib, or in your carseat I love to look at your peaceful face and so often I just want to etch that memory into my brain forever. There's so much I want to tell you, so much I want to never forget. I'm afraid I've already written too much and find myself getting lost in the pictures and the memories and unable to focus. That's what you do to me, my Crabby Abby, Stinker Bell, Little Liam LoveBug - you drive me crazy. But it's a good crazy. The kind of crazy I look forward to in the morning. Chasing you around, watching you watch your big brother, making you laugh, laughing at your many faces, and just being amazed at your determination. You truly do amaze me. Everything you do. I want to thank you for changing my world - I wouldn't want it any other way. 
I love you, my crazy little lovebug.
Love,
Mommy
3 comments:
AWWW, so sweet! Great post, Cathy.
LM's attachment to the boobs started going down around 9 months, too. To high normal levels instead of perma on the boob levels. LOL
Great pics, too. Liam is SO cute!
He is absolutely adorable!
I remember those early baby days with my three so well, especially my daughter, who was irritable and colicky and cried all. the. time.
But now she's 4, and see? I've forgotten all about it! ;)
Very sweet post. Isn't it fun to look back on all that has changed and been achieved? Love the photos, too. :)
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