If You Decide to Mop the Floor...

First you'll have to buy a new mop, because you are sick of using the Clorox mop only to have to get down on your hands and knees and scrub. Once you buy a new mop you'll decide you need a new little vacuum just for hard floors, because you're sick of taking 10 minutes to convert your regular vacuum into something that works on hard floors. Once you buy the new vacuum you will need to wait at least a week before attempting to mop the kitchen floor.
When you finally do decide to mop the floor you will first need to sweep, because the baby is sleeping and you cannot use your new vacuum for fear of waking Baby and ruining your plan. While you're sweeping you will notice how dirty the lower cabinets are - so you will need to get on your hands and knees and clean the cabinets. After you clean the cabinets you will need to put the chairs up on the kitchen table so that you can sweep under there. While putting the chairs on the table you will notice how dirty two of the four chairs are and you will need to clean those as well. After cleaning the chairs you are now ready to mop. Oh no. Not yet. You now need to move the dog's bowls and bin of food, and the garbage and recycle bins. While moving the dog's bowls you will notice they are super dirty so you decide to soak them in the sink. While those are soaking you are ready to start mopping. You read the directions on your new mop only to read, "Soak the mop in hot water for 5 minutes before starting to mop." Okay. So you fill up the bucket with hot water and lysol and soak the mop for 5 minutes. Because you cannot sit around and wait for 5 minutes you will decide to empty the dishwasher. After emptying the dishwasher you figure you might as well wash the dog's bowls. Finally, 15 minutes later, you are ready to start napping, oh I mean mopping. The Baby is still sleeping, thankfully. While mopping you realize that you LOVE your new mop and never once have to get down on your hands and knees to get those tough spots clean. When you are finished mopping the kitchen you decide you might as well mop the hallway and entryway (that is covered in salt/snow puddles). In order to do this you need to remove all the rugs, shoes, gloves, hats, etc. While moving the rugs you realize they should be vacuumed, so you lay them out in the living room to wait for Baby to wake up. After mopping the entryway and hallway you sit down to check on some blogs only to have the Baby wake up (perfect timing). You get Baby, put Baby in the exerisaucer and begin to vacuum the rugs. Wait! It's 11:15! You need to hurry up and go pick up your other child from preschool! Ahhh! After picking up your other child you will come home to prepare lunch. While feeding Baby you will drop a jar of sweet potatoes only to have the mess go all over the floor, chair legs, and lower cabinets. After grumbling to yourself while you clean up the floor on your hands and knees you continue on with lunch. While getting himself down from his chair your older child will somehow drop his cup of milk on the floor. More mess on the floor - more cleaning on your hands and knees. The floor still looks better than before and you continue your day with the satisfaction of a job well done. Wait. Of course while making dinner you will struggle with a bag of frozen broccoli only to have it rip open real quick as broccoli flies everywhere! Once again you find yourself on the floor cleaning it.
So...if you ever decide to mop your kitchen floor - don't.

**This is a true story made worse by the fact that Mike came home sick that day and was No Help At All with the dinner/bedtime rush.**